Once Craved

“I’m sorry he said what he said,” Gail told her.

Riley was startled. How could Gail be worried about Riley’s feelings at a time like this, when justice had finally been done to her own daughter’s killer?

“How are you, Gail?” she asked as they walked briskly toward the exit.

Gail walked along in silence for a moment. Her expression seemed completely blank.

“It’s done,” she finally said, her voice numb and cold. “It’s done.”

In an instant they stepped out into the morning daylight. Riley could see two crowds of people across the street, each roped away from the other and tightly controlled by police. On one side were people who had gathered to cheer on the execution, wielding hateful signs, some of them profane and obscene. They were understandably jubilant. On the other side were anti–death penalty protesters with their own signs. They’d been out here all night holding a candlelight vigil. They were much more subdued.

Riley found that she couldn’t muster sympathy for either group. These people were here for themselves, to make a public show of their outrage and righteousness, acting out of sheer self-indulgence. As far as she was concerned, they had no business being here – not among people whose pain and grief were all too real.

Between the entrance and the crowds was a swarm of reporters, with media trucks nearby. As Riley waded among them, one woman rushed up to her with a microphone and a cameraman behind her.

“Agent Paige? Are you Agent Paige?” she said.

Riley didn’t reply. She tried to go past the reporter.

The reporter stayed with her doggedly. “We’ve heard that Caldwell mentioned you in his last words. Do you care to comment?”

Other reporters closed in on her, asking the same question. Riley gritted her teeth and pushed on through the throng. At last she broke free from them.

As she hurried toward her car, she found herself thinking about Meredith and Bill. Both of them had implored her to take on a new case. And she was avoiding giving either of them any kind of an answer.

Why? she wondered.

She had just run away from reporters. Was she running away from Bill and Meredith as well? Was she running away from who she really was? From all that she had to do?

*

Riley was grateful to be home. The death she had witnessed that morning still left her with an empty feeling, and the drive back to Fredericksburg had been tiring. But when she opened the door of her townhouse, something didn’t seem right.

It was unnaturally silent. April should be home from school by now. Where was Gabriela? Riley went into the kitchen and found it empty. A note was on the kitchen table.

Me voy a la tienda, it read. Gabriela had gone to the store.

Riley gripped the back of a chair as a wave of panic swept over her. Another time that Gabriela had gone to the store, April had been kidnapped from her father’s house.

Darkness, a glimpse of flame.

Riley turned and ran to the foot of the stairs.

“April,” she screamed.

There was no answer.

Riley raced up the staircase. Nobody was in either of the bedrooms. Nobody was in her small office.

Riley’s heart was pounding, even though her mind was telling her that she was being foolish. Her body wasn’t listening to her mind.

She raced back downstairs and out onto the back deck.

“April,” she screamed.

But no one was playing in the yard next door and no kids were in sight.

She stopped herself from letting out another scream. She didn’t want these neighbors convinced that she was truly crazy. Not so soon.

She fumbled at her pocket and pulled out her cell phone. She texted a message to April.

She received no reply.

Riley went back inside and sat down on the couch. She held her head in her hands.

She was back in the crawlspace, lying on the dirt in the darkness.

But the small light was moving toward her. She could see his cruel face in the glow of the flames. But she didn’t know whether the killer was coming for her or for April.

Riley forced herself to separate the vision from her present reality.

Peterson is dead, she told herself emphatically. He will never torture either of us again.

She sat up on the sofa and tried to focus on here and now. Today she was here in her new home, in her new life. Gabriela had gone to the store. April was surely somewhere nearby.

Her breathing slowed, but she couldn’t make herself get up. She was afraid she’d go outside and yell again.

After what seemed like a long time, Riley heard the front door opening.

April walked through the door, singing.

Now Riley could get to her feet. “Where the hell have you been?”

April looked shocked.

“What’s your problem, Mom?”

“Where were you? Why didn’t you answer my text?”

“Sorry, I had my phone on mute. Mom, I was just over at Cece’s house. Just across the street. When we got off the school bus, her mom offered us ice cream.”

“How was I supposed to know where you were?”

“I didn’t think you’d be home yet.”

Riley heard herself yelling, but couldn’t make herself stop. “I don’t care what you thought. You weren’t thinking. You have to always let me know …”

The tears running down April’s face finally stopped her.