The Jealousy of le Barbouillé

Ang. Are you going to scold me for that? This gentleman only just came to tell me of my brother's serious illness: why should you make that a subject of quarrel?

Cat. Ah, directly I saw him, I wondered if we should be long in peace.

Bar. You spoil one another, you women; you, Cathau, you corrupt my wife; she is not half as good now as she was before she had you to wait upon her.

Cat. Really you treat me in a nice manner.

Ang. Leave the drunkard alone; don't you see that he is so muddled that he does not even know what he says.

SCENE V. – GORGIBUS, VILLEBREQUIN, ANGÉLIQUE, CATHAU, LE BARBOUILLÉ

Gor. Now, there's my cursed son-in-law scolding my daughter again!

Vill. We must see what is the matter.

Gor. What! will you always be quarrelling! Will you never have peace at home?

Bar. This hussy calls me drunkard. (to Angélique) Here, I have a great mind to give you a good dressing[4 - Je suis bien tenté de te bâiller une quinte major. Quinte major is a term of piquet. It is here employed figuratively. Compare its use in 'Les Fâcheux,' Act ii. Sc. ii.] before your relations.

Gor. May the dev … may his money be blessed, if you have done as he says.[5 - This seems to be the meaning of "Je dédonne au diable l'escarcelle, si vous l'aviez fait." Je dédonne au diable is apparently a euphemism for Je donne au diable. In French, compare parbleu, corbleu, &c., and deuce, zounds, egad, &c., in English. Dédonne is not given by Littré. It occurs again in 'Le Médecin Volant,' Sc. x., but does not seem to have been employed elsewhere by Molière.]

Ang. It is always he who begins to …

Cat. Cursed be the hour when you chose that sordid wretch!

SCENE VI. – GORGIBUS, VILLEBREQUIN, ANGÉLIQUE, CATHAU, LE BARBOUILLÉ, DOCTOR

Doc. Why, what is the meaning of this? what a disorder! what a quarrel! what a racket! what a row! what a noise! what a dispute! what a combustion! What is the matter, gentlemen? what is the matter? what is the matter? Come, come, is there no way of making you agree, let me be your pacificator; suffer me to bring peace among you.

Gor. It is my son-in-law and my daughter who have had words together.

Doc. But what can it be? Now, come, let me know the cause of their dispute.

Gor. Sir …

Doc. But in a few words …

Gor. Yes, yes; but put on your hat.

Doc. Hat; that is bonnet. Do you know what bonnet comes from?

Gor. No.

Doc. It comes from bonum est, it is good, a thing which is good, because it saves one from colds and coughs.

Gor. Indeed! I did not know that.

Doc. Now quick, the subject of your quarrel?

Gor. This is what happened.

Doc. I hope you are not a man to keep me long when I pray you not to do so. I have some pressing business which calls me to town; still, if I can bring peace to your family, I am willing to stop a moment.

Gor. I shall soon have done.

Doc. Be quick, then.

Gor. It will be said in a moment.

Doc. We must acknowledge, Mr. Gorgibus, that it is a wonderful gift to be able to say things in a few words, and that great talkers, instead of being heard, become often so wearisome that one cannot listen to them; virtutem primam esse puta compescere linguam. Yes, the best quality of an honest man is silence.

Gor. You must know then …

Doc. There are three things which Socrates used to recommend particularly to his disciples: to be careful of one's actions, to be sober in eating, and to say things in a few words. Begin, Mr. Gorgibus.

Gor. It is my wish to do so.

Doc. In a few words, without ceremony, without indulging in a long speech: cut it short with an apophthegm[6 - Compare Sc. iv. 'Le Mariage Forcé.']; quick, quick, Mr. Gorgibus, make haste, avoid prolixity.

Gor. Suffer me to speak then…

Doc. That's enough Mr. Gorgibus, you speak too much. Somebody else must tell me what was the cause of their quarrel.

Vill. You must know, sir, that …

Doc. You are an ignoramus, an unlearned man, ignorant of all good rules; an ass, in plain English. What! you begin a discourse without a word of exordium! Some one else must tell me what happened; will you, young lady, tell me the particulars of all this noise?

Ang. Do you see here my fat rascal, my wine-barrel of a husband …

Doc. Gently, if you please, speak with respect of your husband when you are under the nose of a doctor like me.

Ang. Ah! I should just think so, doctor! I care little for you or your doctrine, and I am a doctor whenever I please.

Doc. You, a doctor when you please. A nice doctor you make. You seem to me to do much as you wish… But, I say, tell me the subject of your uproar.

Bar. Sir, your honour …

Doc. You begin well. "Your honour!" this word has something flattering to the ear, something full of magniloquence; "your honour!"

Bar. According to my will.

Doc. Quite right… "According to my will!" the will speaks of a wish, the wish presupposes means to come to one's ends, and the end presupposes an object. It is well said, "according to my will!"

Bar. I am bursting with rage.

Doc. Cut out this word "bursting." It is a low, vulgar expression.

Bar. But, doctor, listen to me for mercy's sake.