A play for 4,5,6,7,8 or 9 people. Holy Gaetz! Comedy

Here is such a seemingly strange feature I have… recently. Literally from today! (He pauses.)

I don't like men! I hate to put up with it. (Distracts from the drivers, addresses the viewer) As soon as you stop a man, there's a lot of awkward whining, threats, empty-mouthed and boring. There are not so many wrappers (pats his pocket) you have, how many nerves you spend. Although… what to hide, yesterday was an exceptional day. In a word, the men shook my nerves – be healthy. And now, to restore the psyche, from today I switch exclusively to women. With women, it is more pleasant to the eye, and the bonuses are tastier. Women are so cute… especially when they mess up. And they mess up, what to hide …, often!

Stops, smiles guiltily, rivermen clap… And from that moment on, I am the king and God of the situation. The ladies call their pussies, cats, zainki, and they, in turn, solve my financial issue. But this is not always the case. More often, everything is solved immediately on the spot promptly, without any pusiks there. Not a job, but a real pleasure! Therefore, male drivers, in my reality, from now on, we can say, do not exist!

The hum of passing cars is growing.

A few people from the extras are passing by. Someone timidly, someone brazenly and discontentedly glancing at the law enforcement officer. Someone is chatting on the phone and hiding a mobile phone, at the time of passing by a traffic cop… It's just like in life.

But here, Xenophon takes aim. He has already found his victim.

The extras disperse – they disperse.

The musical accompaniment of the hum subsides.

Only the sound of a car passing by alone is heard (softly).

Xenophon points with a wand (wand) at the driver, indicating that he should park.

A girl driver "pulls up", parks. There is another girl sitting next to me, in a rather relaxed, imposing way.

Both are sitting in the car, waiting.

Xenophon approaches, quickly pronounces the phrase on duty.

Xenophon (speaking rapidly). Senior Lieutenant Xenophon Vasiliev. (Puts his hand to his cap properly) Document verification!

The girl driver holds out the documents, Xenophon looks disapprovingly. Flipping through. Glances at the driver.

Xenophon (reproachfully). And what about the citizen in the next seat is not wearing a seat belt? Violating?

The passenger silently hands Xenophon a bill.

Xenophon carefully looked around, accepts the gift.

Xenophon (philosophically, judiciously). How not to take …

Returns the documents to the driver, puts his hand to the cap.

Xenophon (calmly saying goodbye). All the best!

The sound of a car leaving.

The ladies leave the parking spot.

Xenophon (to the viewer, enough, waving the bill he took). That's it!!!

Puts the bill in his pocket.

Xenophon (to himself). In the piggy bank.

The noise of the car is growing again. Xenophon is on guard again. Looking out. Vigilant.

Here he noticed the "victim". A sneaky, sly grin. A wave of the stick, pointing to the parking lot.

Alyona drives up, parks.

Xenophon approaches, his duty phrase sounds.

Xenophon (speaking rapidly). Senior Lieutenant Xenophon Vasiliev. (Puts his hand to his cap properly) Document verification!

Alyona (starts babbling, without letting the lieutenant finish his duty phrase, pityingly, submitting documents). Sinful, sinful, Comrade Lieutenant! The devil got confused, turned in the wrong place, well, you yourself saw everything perfectly. And I don't need anything. And when I started to turn, that's when I saw it. And where already now, the maneuver has begun… I had to finish. You will forgive me, please, for the first time, I will never do this again, never, honestly, I repent!

Xenophon (checking documents, stretching out vowels, like a priest in a temple). Greshnaaaa, my daughter, greshnaaaa, Alyona Sergeeeyevna. But what should I do with you, how to absolve a sin so severely punished? After all, I cannot let you go without punishment, because punishment comes from the word PUNISHMENT! And that punishment cannot be thrown out of the God-created synym of the universe in any way.

Alyona (guiltily). Can I atone for my guilt with a chervonets minted, which is also not thrown out of the system created by God, because we often pay for our sins with just such a measure of calculation, and as long as from time immemorial the people of a simple power are beaten for everything with a coin. Accept my gift, Father Xenophon, for the donation of the temple of your unsullied Soul, yes, in the name of the remission of my grave sins.

Alyona holds out the bills.

Xenophon thinks about it, does not take it.

Alyona adds more bills, attracts.

Xenophon happily accepts the bribe.

Xenophon (returning the documents). I absolve you of your sins, my daughter, since I repented properly, so that I did not avoid understanding about what I had done. Go with God, but don't go on the thorny seductive path from now on.

Alyona smiles and leaves.

The sound of a car leaving.

The sounds of the city reappear, the noise of passing cars increases.

Extras.

Xenophon is on guard again. Looking out. Vigilant.

Everything subsides and ends.

ZTM.

Scene 2. Angela.

Angela's apartment.

Sounds positive-incendiary music. Angela is all this razetakaya, not too burdening herself with worries, conducts sluggish machinations, the semblance of cleaning around the house. Reluctantly and poorly wipes the dust. He's rearranging something somewhere. Meanwhile, she sips wine, and dances in a good mood in a pleasantly caressing dressing gown.

Here is a duster already thrown far away, and in Angela's hand is a mobile phone.