A Soldier's Christmas: I'll Be Home for Christmas / Presents Under the Tree / If Only in My Dreams

As for him? Well...whatever his feelings had been for her, they hadn’t been as strong as his desire to go off to war. He’d joined the army, his goal to become a ranger. Before leaving, he’d told her that since his military obligation would last a minimum of eight years, he thought it best if they just remained friends. She should move on with her life and not wait for him.

She’d waited. Of course she’d waited.

But after a year, his letters had grown scarce, the video chats even more so. Until finally he’d said he didn’t feel right about keeping the lines of communication open at all. She suspected he’d realized that even those tenuous strings had bound her to him, making it impossible for her to even look at another guy, much less give one a chance. And Ellie, knowing in her heart that he meant it, had done what he’d suggested and moved on.

So how rotten was it for Rafe to come back into her life now, of all times, when she’d just made a serious commitment to another man?

“Happy New Year.”

“You said that,” she replied.

“Are you going to say it back?”

“Sure,” she mumbled.

He laughed softly. “You still didn’t say it.”

“Happy New Year, Rafe,” she said, meaning it, hoping he had a lovely, wonderful, safe year—far away from her.

“You look great.”

“Thank you.”

Silence. What did one say in a moment like this? Other than, What the hell are you doing here? Are you intentionally trying to mess up my life again?

“No, not great,” he said, that intense stare never leaving her face. “Beautiful.”

“Don’t,” she whispered.

“Can’t help it.”

“Yes, you can. And you have to. It’s been years, Rafe, you can’t just stroll up to me at a party and act as though we saw each other last week.”

“I’m sorry. I just...I guess I’ve thought about you so often, it feels like we did see each other last week.”

He thought about her? As much as she thought about him?

Damn him for saying that. For suggesting she might have made a mistake and given up too soon. For waiting to tell her until it was far too late.

“Would you like to dance?”

She shook her head.

“Come on, El,” he said, and she knew he was asking for more than a dance. He wanted her to give him a chance. To do what, she wasn’t sure. Nor was she going to let herself find out.

“I can’t dance with you.” She swallowed and stiffened her spine, staring directly into his eyes. She knew what she had to say, knew she had to nip this whole unexpected reunion in the bud before she made the mistake of doing something like dancing with him. Rafe Santori’s arms might be the most wonderful place in the world...but she had no business being in them.

“Why not?”

A moment’s hesitation. There would be no going back from this. But of course there was no other way to go.

“Because my fiancé should be here soon. He got called away on an emergency but I expect him any second.”

His whole body stiffened and the small amount of color he had fell out of his face. She saw those dark eyes flash with emotion, saw him physically withdraw a half step, as if his feet had forced him to move away even before his mind had caught up with the new reality of this situation.

“You’re engaged.” His voice was toneless, his expression completely unemotional.

She nodded.

“Who is he?”

“Nobody you know. He’s a vet.” His brow furrowed, and she immediately clarified. “I mean a veterinarian.”

“When did you...”

“We met last year and got engaged last month.” It had been a happy day, and saying yes had been the right decision. She had believed it then, she believed it now.

But noting the shock and possible dismay on Rafe’s face suddenly had her asking questions a newly engaged woman had no business asking. Like, Why didn’t you come back sooner? Why didn’t you stay in touch? Why wasn’t I enough...why was the army so much more important?

Why did you come back into my life when I’d finally gotten over you?

“When’s the happy day?”

“September.”

“I see.”

Rafe’s whole body, already so tall and strong, went even straighter, and his jaw pushed out. He was putting up a wall, respecting her status, ready to back away. She wasn’t surprised. Rafe’s sense of honor had been one of the things she’d found most attractive about him.

“I suppose he wouldn’t be happy if you were dancing with another man.”

She replied without thinking. “He wouldn’t mind. Denny is the most easygoing, laid-back person I’ve ever known.”

Her fiancé was a good guy. A very good guy with a big heart, a great sense of humor and a genuine love for animals. Most of all, he was here. He was stable. He wasn’t half a world away, putting up barriers between himself and anyone who loved him, refusing to allow anyone to get close...or to wait.

“Oh. So you just don’t want to dance with me?”

“You mean the invitation’s still open?”

“Of course.”

A sigh escaped her mouth. “It’s not that I wouldn’t...”

“Ahh, I get it.” The tiniest of smiles appeared on those lips. “You don’t trust yourself, huh?”

“I see that ego of yours hasn’t gotten any smaller.”

“For old times’ sake, Ellie,” he said, lifting a hand and brushing the tips of his fingers across her cheek. “I’ve dreamed about having you in my arms again. Spent long, miserable nights clinging to that dream.”